JESSRT

I’m in it for the long hall.  I need to be on the biggest looser so jillian can kick my but!  One thing I have learned is i have to own up to what is really wrong in my life.  So here’s my story.  I had a great child hood.  I was a daddies little girl.  We loved to ride bikes, play basketball, ect…  I always wanted to please him.  He once told me He would give me money for good grades! $5 for A’s, $2.50 for B’s and if I got a C he didn’t want to know me.  I thought that was a little harsh, but guess what I never let him down.  I got strait A’s.  Daddies little girl to the core.  We went to the mall, movies, park together.  He would help me with my home work and play uno!  that was my favorite game.  One day I got picked up from school my mom took me to a shelter and took me from my dad.  They were going to get a divorce.  I thought whatever makes them happy, but why did I have to leave my home, my dad, my whole life?  I just didn’t like my mom much.  I continued to live with her, but got to see my dad quite a bit.  One 4th of july my whole world was crushed.  My dad wasn’t feeling well.  I went with my mom to see fire works.  I got the call up at my grandma’s that my father had passed away.  I hated him for leaving me.  I was stuck with my mom.  I was 15 and all alone.  By the age of 16 I moved out on my own working 2 jobs and going to school.  I had to get out of my moms house.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  When I was 18 I started dating the father of my two beautiful little girls.  I had my first daughter a year later.  He was very verbally abusive and controlling.  Even so I married him.  We had our second daughter.  Finally I just couldn’t take the abuse anylonger.  I moved out and have been raising my two little girls all on my own.  I find christmas the worst.  I hate being along on christmas.  I have my girls, but it’s just not as fun all by yourself.  I love them so dear.  They deserve to have a mom that’s not always tired.  So here I am owning up to everything.  The truth is I should have never let myself go for so long.  All I did was take care of my girls with no regard on how i was.  That’s all going to change starting now.  I can’t change the past only grow from it!  thanks all for listening.  I wish all of you luck in your journey as well!

Sorry all.  I’m not a very good buddy. I’m just not doing so well with the weight loss.  I started the gym thing.  My back is out.  Im miserable.  How are you supposed to work out and loose weight when you can’t move without pain?  Any advice????

I joined a GYM!!!  And I have been using it!  lol… No good if you don’t use it.  I do love it.  It’s a place I can just be in my own little world.  I fell off the wagon a bit, but I climbed back on and hope to be there for the whole ride! 

I realized when I’m not in a good mood, sad, depressed and feel alone I eat really baddly and don’t even care.  Just not having a good day.  I really just want to smile and laugh and have a good day, but it’s not likely.  I’m not sure if it’s the winter blues or what.  I really need to join a gym or go to water exersize class or something.  I’m in a funk and feel like the walls are closing in.  I hope all of you are having a wonderful day full of smiles!  Thanks so much for listening. 

So I had been doing really well.  My downfall is going out to eat.  I just shouldn’t allow myself to do that.  I went to cici’s which is an all you can eat pizza joint.   I’m going to write you what I ate to own up to it.  I had 4 slices of pizza, 3 breadsticks with sause, 2 brownies, 2 cinnimon rolls and a salad with fat free dressing.  Who eats all that?  I don’t understand why I did it.  Any advice?

so I’m down my first five pounds!  Feels great I just know I have a really long road ahead.   I really want to find a Gym to work out also.  I will see how that goes.  We can do it guys with the support of our friends!!!

So I have made it my first day with weight watchers!!  I know it’s not much but I’m so excited.  I have a very long way to go and it seems like it will take forever.  I hope I have the strength to get through this.